


On Edge

by TracedViolet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: First Time, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Porn with Feelings, porn with a little plot, tiny bit of dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23672071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TracedViolet/pseuds/TracedViolet
Summary: "Your name is Eridan Ampora and you forgot how depressing it is going through heat cycles alone."---Erikar fic in which Eridan has a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day and karkat makes it a little better.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

Pathetic. That’s what you are. Or at least that’s what you imagine Vriska would call you if she were here right now, but she’s not, and she won’t magically show up if you just fantasize about her long enough. That doesn’t stop you from doing it anyway though. 

You know she’d call you names and most likely hold the stupid shit you’d say out of desperation over your head for months. But she’d at least make this whole, lousy situation a little more tolerable if you asked. Or at minimum physically injure you to the point where you couldn’t remember what the original problem was to begin with.

To be completely honest, you probably enjoyed fighting with her more than you did anything else. She was the only one who could keep up with you and by the time you broke up, you knew each other like the backs of your hands. you’d give a whole heck of a lot up to have that back right now, but instead you’re curled up by your computer with your head on your desk begging to whatever gods you don’t believe in for the slightest bit of relief. 

Yeah. She’d definitely call you pathetic. 

You shove your hand into your pants because whatever friction you’re getting outside of them isn’t enough to alleviate the throbbing sensation in your bulge. you don’t want to. You're too hot and your hand is cramping up. You just want to fall asleep and pretend this isn't an actual thing that actually happens to people, but your body refuses to just fucking relax. 

You know it would be so much easier if she were here. Her freezing cold hands would feel so good against your fire-y skin. She’d be biting your neck and whispering dirty, awful things into your ear. she’d squeeze too hard the way you’d never admit you liked and touch you in all the places you wouldn’t think to try. She’d scrape her claws up your gills as she took off your shirt and she’d take off hers cuz you're both burning up and she'd look so fucking hot as she took off her pants and started grinding her nook against your bulge through her cerulean soaked panties, panting and gasping and moaning and-….and-....and-...

you forgot how depressing it is going through heat cycles alone.

Just then, your trollian chat rings an alert and you almost fall out of your chair. It’s Karkat. Why is he messaging you?

\-----

CG: OPEN YOUR DOOR ASSHOLE

\-----

You have no idea what he’s referring to. You can barely keep your brain working long enough to process this message. Open your door?

\-----

CA: wwhy?

\-----

No really, why? Why does he care about the door to your hive? Does he even know where you live or what your hive looks like? Maybe you remember him being here like one time but that's such a weird thing to ask of you right out of the blue. You do not need conversational puzzles at the moment. 

\-----

CG:WHY? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? BECAUSE I’M STANDING IN FRONT OF IT AND IT'S RAINING SHIT PAN

CA: wwhat the fuck are you talkin about?

CA: oh shit

CA: wwe wwere supposed to hang out today weren't wwe

CG KINDA YEAH

CA: hold on

\-----

You scramble away from your desk and three steps out you realize you are actually a disgusting mess. Your clothes are soaked with sweat and you haven’t changed them in days. Fuck. clearly there is no time to shower or anything. You feel your “hold on” time limit ticking closer and you wrack your brain for a solution but come up with basically nothing. You settle on just changing your clothes. You do not think about what kind, you just choose literally anything clean. Gods, you're gross. This is really counter to the royal image you try to maintain. You hope Karkat doesn’t care too much because he sure as hell is going to notice. 

You run downstairs and swing open the door.

”took you long enough!” karkat grumbles and forces himself inside, he barely gives you a second glance as he's far more interested in getting out of the storm. You stand in the doorway for a few more seconds, trying to savor the feeling of the ocean breeze blowing the rain against your skin; Blessed cold. if only you could stay here forever.

“Uhhhh….” Karkat starts. “You gonna close it or are you just gonna stand there and fucking soak yourself?” he throws his bag onto the couch. “I mean, you're a sea dweller I guess. I don’t know what fucking sea dwellers do for fun.” he trails off into his own mumblings.

“Haha. yeah.” you fake the world's worst chuckle and immediately slam the door closed, a little harder than what was required. Curse you highblood strength. Now is not the time to show off. Actually, you kind of rather nobody knew you even exist right now. You would truly like to disappear. 

Karkat raises an eyebrow at your bizzare demeanor. “Are you like… fucking sick or something?” he takes a step closer, looking you up and down. You swallow and stand rigid against the door. This examination is way too close for comfort. You pray he doesn’t actually realize your situation.

“Yes.” you say, completely deadpan, eyes wide in fear. He gives you another odd look but backs off and you breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Hm. explains why you look like you crawled out of a dross coffer.”

You instinctively shoot him an offended glare and he smirks. Good. That was almost a normal interaction. Perhaps it’s possible to wait this out without incident.

Karkat starts scoping out your house, wandering his way into your kitchen and rummaging through your cabinets. He’s definitely been here before, but you can’t even vaguely remember when. Your brain is a blur of heightened senses and the threat of dirty thoughts. You wish you could escape your own head. 

Karkat bops around your kitchen looking for snacks and you follow a few paces behind careful not to seem too weird. You are trying at the very least to seem as normal as one can when trying desperately not to think about how badly they want to get nailed into a wall.

Stop it. You cannot start this back up. You were given 2 seconds of thinking space and you’re already going off into fantasy land. Focus. There is another troll standing in your kitchen, bitching to you about something that you cannot comprehend because you are trying too hard not to think about how nice his ass looks in his jeans or how you want to run your fingers through his hair and as he’s walking over to you with something in his hand but you just keep thinking about how you wanna tear him out of his sweatshirt and bite his neck and-

“Hello! Alternia to Eridan! Do you want a fucking soda or not?” 

“Ngh-” that was not a proper response. You shake your head and try again.”N-no. I’m good.” your voice cracks and you both stand there in awkward silence for a while. It's unbearable.

Karkat finally narrows his eyes at you. “You really must be sick. Usually, you don’t fucking shut up from the second you see me.”

“Yeah must be....” you run your hand through your greasy hair and instantly regret it. You just had to forget you invited karkat over today huh. “On second thought,” you muse, staring at the can he’s holding. Perhaps it will chill you out. “I’ll…. Take that soda….”

He hands it to you and your fingers brush for a brief second. He barely notices but you feel like you’ve stuck your fingers into a power outlet.

“You know if your not up to this I can just go home-”

“No! Stay!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up. Why are you suddenly protesting? Didn’t you want to be alone? “I mean….” you shrink a little back down looking sheepish. “I... I don’t wwanna be alone….” no you don’t do you. Even if its torture having him there and seeing you at your probable worst, you still don’t have guests very often. Karkat is one of the few people who is willing to stand your company and you’re not willing to just throw that away because you're a tad uncomfortable. You’ll muddle through and try to enjoy it. Just not enjoy it too much.


	2. Chapter 2

After some brief conversation about your mysterious fake illness that you described as “I don’t knoww, I’ve just been feelin’ shitty lately” and how you “really don't wwanna talk about it”, you both decide to ignore it and play some video games. You purposely choose something complicated as all hell to force your brain to think about the strategy and not about how badly you want to fuck your best friend because the thoughts are honestly starting to disturb you.

You're both sitting on the couch, a little close for your comfort, although your comfort would probably be across the damn room. Karkat is kicking your ass at this game and loving it. He's yelling up a storm of “Take that bulgewad!” And “suck on this!” You wish it was a little less sexually oriented. Is everything always so sexually oriented? You’d probably be better at this game if you weren't so distracted but Karkat doesn't seem to care how he suddenly became a god at this overnight. He wins another round and goes to yell “In your face!” but at that exact moment you attempt to say “No fair! Redo!” 

Karkat turns his head a little faster than you had anticipated. He’s still got half a word on his lips when they smash into yours and you tried to say something in the millisecond you had to react but all you ended up doing was opening your mouth and making it that much worse. It’s awkward and not even close to the poetic depictions of a first kiss with your crush in the movies you’re both so fond of; none of which mentioned the colliding of teeth. you wouldn’t even bother calling it a kiss really. that would give it more credit than it deserved.

You both awkwardly try to seperate but your hands on his sweater sleeve so he can't back up and as he tries to rip it away you let go so he falls back a bit. You spring forward to ask if he's alright but then he over corrects forward and now your back in each other's faces again and he's practically on top of you. He doesn’t look where he’s putting his hand when he tries to push himself off again and the sound you make when he unintentionally drags his palm down the length of your bulge is despicable. The hand you had defensively shot up to stop him from getting any closer is now preventing him from leaving by wrapping itself up in his shirt. You drag him down and drown him in a kiss that is way too deep and passionate for friends. That one was real. That one felt good. 

“What are you-“ is all karkat gets out before you drag him back in for another kiss. You can’t seem to stop yourself now. You’ve gotten a taste and it was so much better than you had expected. His lips are rough and his kiss is awkward but you don’t mind at all. You only care that he isn’t stopping you. His hands actually move to cup your face and then slide down to your neck. His fingers tangling into your messy hair. You’d do the same but you're already pulling his sweat shirt off to touch more of his skin than before. Running your hands across his arms and chest, wanting to lick at it and see what kind of sounds he’ll make. 

It’s silly. How easy it is. Why had you never done this before? Why did it take a hormonal imbalance to drive you to finally take the first step and kiss him? Now you're making out and it's fucking awesome. Your tongue is in his mouth, exploring around. His teeth aren't as sharp as yours. You wonder if they’d be any good at biting. Thinking of biting, you decide to take another chance and bite at his lip. 

“Mmm~” he replies so you continue biting down to his neck. Raking your teeth across his skin like daggers. You're not drawing any blood but you wish you were because that seems like it would be extremely satisfying. His hands wander up your shirt, running all over your stomach and sides. He plays at your gills and it sends a shock wave through your whole body. You take no time flipping him over so you're on top now. Surprisingly it never really was your forte to do so but unlike Vriska, you know Karkat isn't going to take charge of this situation. You're going to have to do most of the work here. The prince in you would protest but he aint here right now.

Karkat lets out a moan as you start to grind against him. He puts a hand on your ass to pull you down harder, grinding back up against you so only the thin fabric between keeps you apart. However that sound in his voice must’ve activated something deep inside you because you feel the rest of your brain suddenly shut off. You start to grind harder than before not really paying attention to what karkat is doing anymore. In fact, he tries to touch you again but you just grab his hands and pin them above his head so he can't move. Your claws dig into his wrists and this time it does draw blood. 

“Eri-” he doesn't get the word out because you have smashed your lips into his again, shoving your tongue back in while he seems unsure if he still wants you there anymore. He keeps trying to speak but you're not hearing it. You let out a low growl and bite again, drawing blood from his lips now. It tastes like salt and copper and you want more so you continue to bite. You hear him let out a small sound of pain but you ignore it and continue your rampage against his body, biting at his neck and collarbone now. Your claws reach down to drag against his skin, digging deep into the space just below his hips. Your grinding is getting faster and faster, his jeans offering more friction than you could ever get yourself. You try to rip them off but by letting go of his wrists, he then has his own hands free to try and stop you. And try he does. He grabs at your arms, trying to push you off, but It's no use. You’re bigger and stronger than he is. It's nothing for you to pin him back with one hand and cover his mouth with the other. Now he can't speak anymore. good. It was annoying trying to listen anyway. you can't pay attention to getting off that way. 

You quicken your pace, fucking him without fucking him in the most shameless way possible. You’re close. You're so close. Karkat seemed to stop struggling a while ago which is great cuz it was grating trying to fight him. In fact, he even pops his knee up to give you something more to grind against. Fuck yes! That's exactly what you needed! With a few more erratic thrusts you cum. Suddenly the world gets fuzzy around the edges and you crumple forward onto your elbows, kissing karkat one last time. It will probably be the last time you think.


	3. Chapter 3

You dig your claws into the couch and slowly force yourself to sit up even though it hurts like hell with how sore you are. It probably wouldn’t be so painful if you weren’t so fucking violent all the time but no one would really know that from the way you look right now; quiet and trembling. All you really want to do is collapse on top of him and sleep for as long as your worthless body will allow, but you have enough brain cells still functioning to know how rude that would be. As if what you just did wasn’t “rude” if not down right fucked up in the first place. You’re still breathing in sharp jagged gasps but it's starting to die down; a calm passivity washing over your mind. You’re finally fucking free from that horrible, frustrating tension in your body; at least for a little while and as you stare absently at the pattern of the fabric on the cushions, either too tired or too afraid to look Karkat in the eyes; you realize just how bad it had been before he got there.

“.....Eridan?” he says, quietly, but surprisingly casual considering the situation. His voice tips up at the end of your name in a way that kind of resembles “hello? you there?” the kind you’d expect to be partnered with a hand being waved in front of your face. You wonder if he’d do it had his arms not been pinned in such an awkward position earlier.

A few seconds go by. You don’t answer.

“.........What the absolute fuck was that.” he asks bluntly. 

He tries to sit up himself so he’s somewhere closer to your eye level and you tense when he does. the awful feeling of sticky fabric being shifted under you makes your skin crawl. You know he’s gonna say it but you’re really hoping he doesn’t. You don’t want to acknowledge it. As if he’d think anything less of you. As if he hasn’t gone through the same miserable process himself as many times as you have. It’s troll nature, but it's just so contrary to your personality to be this disheveled, careless, and practically feral. As stupid as it is to exclude oneself from perfectly normal biological occurrences, you wouldn’t consider yourself susceptible to… those kinds of things. You don’t want to think about how fucking susceptible you are to those kinds of things.

“Dude, are you in heat?” he asks bluntly with almost the same amount of confusion at the possibility.

You curl in on yourself, bunching up the fabric of your shirt in your hands, wanting nothing more than to disappear. Your stomach feels empty and you kind of want to throw up, but you swallow it down along with the remnants of your dignity and stare at him through damp, sweaty bangs. you still don’t say anything, but you hope you’re conveying the unimaginable amount of guilt and shame you feel in every vile bone of your aching body.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, trying to think of something to say that would help this situation. “It's ok, I guess. It happens.” he looks at you with a confused face and mutters a little under his breath. “You could’ve just told me to go home.” 

Yeah. Why wouldn't you just tell him to go home? What kind of a weird pervert are you to invite people into your hive while you've momentarily become a raving sex demon? 

“I-I…” you start but it doesn't seem to get you anywhere. You try again. “I felt really bad and…. I didn’t want to be alone.” It's much worse admitting it the second time. You really are that desperate for social contact. You're so embarrassed and ashamed of yourself you don’t even do the W thing. You feel your throat tighten like you're going to cry but you fight it with everything you have. Where was this will power 5 minutes ago?

Karkat looks around awkwardly and you feel like you're going to burst into flames. Finally he sighs and rubs the place on his neck that now has red puncture wounds in the shape of your mouth. “Ok well.... I'm here anyway…. so might as well... still fucking…. sleep over…. I guess….” his face is still hot and flushed bright crimson, but he seems to be trying to hide it.

“You don’t have to.” you mumble, still not having quite found your voice. You look up and see that he’s making a face that implies you don't understand. You don’t so you continue. “That wwas wweird. You can say it. I’m not gonna bite your head off….. Again…. Cod, I’m so fuckin stupid.” 

“Alright stop the fucking pity party before it even starts dipshit.” Karkat yells in his usual tone. “Are you honestly so dense that you think if you just shit on yourself long enough people will be sufficiently gratified at your groveling and then simply forget whatever dumbass shit you did in the first place?”

“No I just-”

“You just think that's what I want to hear?”

“Yes.”

Karkat is taken aback for a moment. Before his face turns to confusion again. “Why the fuck would I want to hear that?”

You stare blankly at him and state the only truth you know in this shit hole of a world.

“Because none a you actually like me.” 

Karkat stares at you for a moment, then his eyes narrow and he pinches the bridge of his nose “Jegus christ, Eridan. Why the fuck would I come all the way out here on the coldest, darkest, rainiest fucking weekend on all of Alterna just to hang out with you if I didn’t like hanging out with you.”

Now you’re the one taken aback. You didn’t really consider that. You just assumed Karkat secretly hated you just like everyone else. That kind of logic never even attempted to perforate your brain. 

Karkat leans in a little to make sure you're still with him. “Are we good then?”

You nod, “Yeah…. Wwe can um…. Just pretend this nevver happened…. If you wwant….”

Karkat nods back, “Sure… only if that's what you want….” 

“Yeah…. Let's…. Forget it...”

“Ok.” karkat stands up and stretches. “Then I’m gonna change my clothes and make that flavor disc thats in your freezer because I’m fucking starving.” He points a finger at you before he disappears into your kitchen. “You ... “ he looks you up and down disapprovingly. “you should go take a shower.” 

“Right.” you say, examining yourself and suddenly feeling extremely gross sitting where you are. You take your opportunity and walk up the stairs to the bathroom. You quietly turn on the lights, shut the door and lock it. Suddenly you are all alone again and it's a little worse but also a lot better. You slide down the door and put your head in your hands. Good gog how much worse could today get? 

After a short while of sitting on the bathroom floor just taking solace in your newfound privacy you finally work up the energy to peel yourself out of your clothes, cringing as you do. You turn on the shower as cold as it will go and step in. Any other day of any other week you would be burning your skin off right now, but a freezing shower is exactly what you need. Nix that. It’s what you deserve, you sick bastard. 

You stand completely still as you let the frigid water cascade down your body and soak into your gills. It feels….. Nice... actually. You stand there for a while, Trying to occupy your mind with thoughts of ice crystals forming in your blood, freezing it over and killing you instantly but it isn't working very well. you try to distract yourself by going through the usual motions of a shower: shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, but it’s so much harder to keep your thoughts straight when you have to touch yourself. This also wouldn't be so difficult if your brain didn't keep replaying that moment from earlier over and over again. It’s not sexy. it doesn't feel sexy. So why the fuck are you hard again? It’s like it never ends! You hate this! With every fiber of your being you do! Nobody ever asked you if you wanted this so why must you succumb to these obnoxious, incessant fits of horniness? And why directed at karkat all of a sudden? You know, you wonder, if this is how everyone truly thinks you are all the time. You’re not so ignorant not to notice how everyone seems to think of you. Just some brainless quadrant obsessed moron. That's exactly what you are right now. Fuckin Whore.

You groan to yourself and give up. Might as fucking well right? You turn the shower handle back to hot and the temperature difference almost knocks some sense back into you but your body adjusts immediately and you feel the fire start back up again. 

You take your bulge in your hand and start to stroke, trying to relish in the sensation of your fingers against your own skin. It seems to help a little but it isn’t really getting you anywhere on its own. Maybe if you fantasized about something? You try to picture what you were imagining earlier: Vriska all up on you, hot and bothered herself, hands roaming your body while yours explore hers. Her perky breasts bouncing up and- 

Nah. It isn't doing for you what it was earlier. 

Perhaps because you now have some /real/ memories to pull from. However much you don't want to think about Karkat, being your best friend and all, your mind can’t help but drift to him anyway. The way his face looked, eyes half lidded staring up at you with shameless desire and cheeks flushing to a dull crimson color. The indecent sounds he made when you started grinding your hips together, creating that delicious friction that finally seemed to give you some relief. 

Finally, you seem to be getting some relief. You rest one hand on the wall of the shower closing your eyes and pumping the other against your bulge. You can't help but make a small whining sound at your own failure to pleasure yourself. Please. please. just a little closer. If only they were his hands and not yours. If only you could have persuaded him to take a shower with you and then you could be making out with him. What if he got onto his knees and used his mouth to suck you off? His head bobbing up and down, eyes rolled back as violet streaks drip down his chin-

That did it.

You inhale sharply as you cum, all your tense muscles releasing into sweet, sweet ecstasy. You almost lose your balance for a second with how wobbly your legs get but you regain your composure and shut the water off, going back to feeling empty and sick just as fast as you did earlier. Jacking off takes a lot out of a troll, you know?

You step out of the shower and dry off with a towel. The coarse fabric becomes a nice new texture to focus on. It's rough and not at all soothing. perfect. You spend a little more time than necessary making sure you are absolutely dry but it's only because the scratchy material is the only thing keeping your overactive nerves from blitzing out. After you are sufficiently dry, you wrap the towel around your waist and… completely ignore the mirror.

Nope. not dealing with that today. The last thing you want to see right now is yourself.

Yet, you still manage to catch a glimpse in the part that isn't fogged up and you wince. You don’t actually look too bad. In fact you might even look better than usual, hormones making you look more appealing to prospective mates you suppose. However, having to put your own internal identity onto your own stupid face is a little too much for you to handle right now. So, you run a brush through your hair as quickly as you can and then pad into your room for some nicer clothes. After you are adequately dressed you try looking in the mirror again.

Alright. Not so bad. You can work with this. A little disheveled and not very royal of you to be wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants but it will do. Plus you can smell the pizza downstairs and that’s all the motivation you need to get back to Karkat.


	4. Chapter 4

The pizza doesn't exactly taste good per se but you are so hungry right now it might as well be the world's finest dining. You admit you had neglected to eat very much in your heightened state of arousal. You kind of just locked yourself in your room and stayed there hoping to maybe just sleep through a few days. But lo and behold here you are, sitting around with karkat eating pizza and watching bad romcoms on your flat screen like its totally fucking normal. It's so totally fucking normal, in fact, that you almost forget for a moment how badly you wanted him to suck your bulge earlier. Almost.

You take another slice and scarf it down to karkat’s amazement. 

“Wow.” He remarks. “the whole crotch blistering douchepress thing really is a front huh.”

“Hmm?” you swallow a little roughly, the pizza sticking in your throat for an odd second. “Wwhat do you mean?” you respond back, wiping your greasy pizza hands on your sweatpants instead of a napkin like a goblin, only adding to his argument with your blatant lack of coolness.

“Nothing, it's just like…. You always act like such an ostentatious prick all the time but that's all it is. Just an act. When we're just hanging out alone you're just as gross and obnoxious as I am and that's saying something because I fucking hate myself but you? you're fucking disgusting.”

You choke on your pizza at being straight read for filth like that. “I am not!”

Karkat laughs “yeah you super are, dude!” 

“Wwell at least I’m not in lovve wwith troll Wwill Smith! He’s ugly as fuck! The guy looks like someone turned a potato into a troll an’ then replaced his eyes wwith grub beans!”

“He does not! And I’m not in love with him shitcrisp! I just ... appreciate his media!”

There's half a second of faux aggravation before you both break out in laughter and it feels nice. You wish you could have this more often. You wish everything felt as natural to you as hanging out with karkat feels right now, but it doesn’t. Most of the time, everything you do feels awkward and forced, like everyone is following a script you never got and you’re just expected to know what to do and say. So you make it up. You try to be the best violet blood you can but it just never seems to come off right. You wonder if maybe something is wrong with you on a deeper level. Something so fundamental to the way trolls are that you can never be fixed.

You are shaken from your depressing spiral of a thought when karkat offers another movie to watch. You give a thumbs up of approval and he pops it in. 

You both settle in and watch the movie for a while, your brain finally encapsulated by something that isn’t sex. It's a good break from the obsessive thoughts for sure. And since you both decided to totally forget what happened earlier, it’s super not weird that you're now resting your head in his lap while he's got his arm draped over your stomach. It's a little pale for sure but who's here to judge?

you are both completely captivated by what's on the screen when Karkat’s fingers absently begin to rub at the base of your horns and you freeze. The gesture is so obviously pale that you have no idea how to respond. That and it's physically lulling you into passivity. Is this a manifestation of his true feelings for you? Or are you just reading into a distracted movement too much? You can’t tell and it makes your blood pusher start to beat just a little faster. Maybe he does like you back. Whether it be pale or more red perhaps? A guy can dream can't he?

Karkat doesn’t seem to notice at all that you've been trapped by the mindless circles he's drawing. You try to make a sound to express your troubles but you can't seem to find it in you to say anything. The action is just so soothing that you are effectively stuck. Your eyes start to close and you can’t help but press up into his touch. A gentle sigh escapes your lips as his hands quiet your restless mind. That finally prompts him to look down at you and pull away in embarrassment. 

“Fuck. Sorry.” he mutters sheepishly.

“Wwait.” You protest. “Don’t…. Don’t stop.” you know you’re really pushing your luck here but you also really don't want him to stop. You've never been touched like this before and it’s so much better than you ever could have imagined. It's gentle and calming, the way a moirail’s touch is supposed to be. Feferi would have never touched you like this. You’re sure of it.

“It feels… nice….” You try to explain, tapping your fingers together in an anxious movement. There are plenty more descriptive words for the actual feeling you are experiencing but you can't for the life of you think of them. 

‘Oh…. O-ok…” he agrees and hesitantly returns his fingers to your horns. He slides his hand down the length of it and your breathing hitches. You wish you could feel this feeling all the time but you suppose this moment will do. Karkat gently tugs at one of your horns, silently asking you to turn over onto your belly and you oblige, not just in part because he basically has complete control over you now, but also because you want to see where this will go. You rest your head on your arms and close your eyes. This is the most pale thing that has ever happened to you and you really don't want to miss this opportunity. He rakes his fingers up from the base of your neck to the top of your scalp and you let out another sigh. This truly is the most relaxed you've ever been in your life. Despite all the time you spent with Feferi she never did anything even close to this. Fuck, you barely even held hands! You’ve never been this starved for affection in your life and now it's happening. it's actually happening. 

He begins to massage the base of your horns again and you shiver as he presses even harder this time. You can feel all the stress in your body melt away as you sink deeper against him, a quiet hum vibrating up from your chest. This is it. This is what life is worth living for. You suddenly don't give half a shit about Feferi because you are in such a state of bliss that you can't even remember your own name.

Karkats fingers brush against your fins causing them to twitch back against your head. It's a reflex, but he's not sure if that means you like it or not. You nuzzle back into his hand to show that you do, in fact, very much like that. Gog, it feels so good. You are so sensitive right now that even his feather light touches are sending you spiraling.

Oh no. you know where this is going, but there's no way to stop it. He’s already got you all worked up so there's no going back now. You're not sure you could even fight it if you wanted to. This is all, rather unfortunately, turning you on. 

Karkat continues to massage the base of your neck and down between your shoulder blades. When he runs his fingers down your back you can't help but arch into him, the little fins on your spine standing up along the line he draws. He continues back up to your neck and shoulders, fingers diligently working at the muscles and knots. You're breathing fast, and trying not too, but it just feels too good. You are losing your mind. 

"are you sure you're in the right mind to handle this?" Karkat asks, looking at you with reluctant uncertainty. 

You know you are very much not in the right mind to handle this, but you can’t help yourself from rolling back over, panting a little. "If I say yes wwill you keep goin’?” 

"Gog, you are fucking desperate." he says, shaking his head but his hands never leave you. Instead they wander back up toward your fins and start to massage behind your ears where they meet your head, fingers rubbing deeply between the tines. 

This is where things get bad because you can't help but let out a moan at that one, Immediately covering your mouth the second it happens.

But karkat doesn’t seem too freaked out. He just laughs and says, “That good huh?”

You bury your face in your hands. Your cheeks are so flushed and hot it feels like it's burning. ‘Too good.” you mumble. “Maybe… maybe wwe should stop…” 

“Oh just fucking relax for like 5 minutes.” Karkat says. “Have you considered the reason you’re so fucking pent up and miserable is because you keep fighting yourself on this? You won't just let it happen and it makes you so fucking frustrated you blow up like earlier.” 

You shrink down in his lap at that comment. 

“And it doesnt help that you’re a fucking highblood. It makes it that much harder to control.”

“So wwhat are you suggestin?” You finally build the confidence to look up at him and he looks about as flustered as you feel. He was just doing a better job of keeping his voice steady. 

Karkat runs a hand through his hair and averts his eyes from you now. “Do you wanna….” 

You've never wanted anything more in the universe. “Yes.” You say.

“Ok.” Karkat confirms. And prompts you to get off him so he can stand up. “But I get to be in charge this time.” 

You stifle a laugh and take his hand. “Wwhatever you wwant, Kar.”


	5. Chapter 5

You don't have a platform. You hadn’t needed one till now. So instead you both lie down in a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor of your respiteblock. It’s surprisingly comfortable actually. The soft plush feels comforting and safe. You lie down first and pull him down with you into an awkward little kiss. He tries to bite at you for dragging him down but his teeth are so dull it makes you giggle.

“What!” He demands.

“Nothin!” You reply. “Keep goin’.”

He leans back down and continues to kiss and bite at your lips and neck, trailing down to your collarbone. His hands are on either side of your face, gently massaging the fins on your ears. You sigh and let yourself relax in a way that you've never relaxed before. You feel safe with Karkat. You know he would never hurt you for fun like Vriska would. And if there's anyone you’d want to give it up to right now it would be him. 

He pulls your shirt off and stops for a minute just to admire the difference in your anatomy. His fingers gently fall across your chest and trace your grub scars. It's excruciatingly slow, like he's just holding his hands there to feel you breathe. He might be. You might be inclined to move him along but you are too enraptured by the fact that there's another troll in your respiteblock and he's actually touching you to do so. He finally gets to your gills and your breathing hitches. He almost pulls away but you place your hand on top of his and continue to guide him around. His fingers graze against your skin like he's touching something precious and breakable. You’ll have to show him later how incorrect that assumption is but for now you just let him explore. 

As he finds more confidence in touching you, you pull him down into another kiss, this time sticking your tongue in his mouth. You run it over his nubby little teeth and across his tongue as well, playing with him like he's playing with you. He grinds down against you, his bulge getting hard against your own. You nip at his lips and his featherlight touch turns to nails in his surprise, digging into your sides. However, unbeknownst to him, you’re into that. You moan into your kiss to let him know and sneak your hands up his shirt to try to claw him back.

“Ow! Watch it!” he shouts. He did not like that. You apologize and vow to never do it again. You forgot that your claws are probably much sharper than his and his pain tolerance is not as high. No wonder highbloods don’t generally date this far down the hemospectrum. Karkat is so sensitive and weak. You find it endearing though and make a mental note to see next time where his actual limits lie. 

You tenderly take off his t-shirt, laying gentle kisses on his neck and chest as another apology for earlier. You are trying your absolute best to be kind to him, to show him your appreciation for doing this for you. You’ve never done anything this slow in your life, but feeling his skin against your own as you hold him, you wouldn’t change it for the world.

Karkat dips his fingers underneath the hem of your pajama pants and boxers, pulling them down and off. You do the same for him. Now you are both naked as the day you were hatched. It should feel weird but it doesn’t. Instead you just admire the way he looks in the dark with the moonslight glinting off of his skin and shadows falling across his face. His eyes glisten with a lust that almost matches the kind you feel. You reach up to touch him. Warmth radiates off his cheeks into your touch and you pull him down into another kiss. Gods you could kiss him forever. 

Karkats hands drag up your thighs, slowly wrapping around your bulge and stroking it with a loose fist. It's just enough to keep you hooked but not enough to get you off. You want to complain but you can't say anything mean when it's amazing he's doing it at all. Before you can protest his suffering pace, his mouth is on yours again and his tongue is inside it. You let out a quiet moan, bucking up into his hand as his tongue plays with yours. Karkat licks up your neck and to your ears, tongue playing with the tines of your fins. You find yourself stunned and speechless by how good it feels which appears to embolden karkat to move his hands a little lower to your nook. He slips his fingers inside of you and you gasp instinctively reaching out to grab his hand and stop him. 

“What? What's wrong?” he panics, you wonder if he means if he's doing it wrong himself. 

“Nothing!” you assure him, but sheepishly look away, first at the floor and then the wall. You try to find anything to look at but his eyes. “I’vve just… nevver…” you mumble. Your face is probably hotter than his right now. You didn’t think it could get any hotter. 

Karkat actually has to stifle a laugh at that. 

This wasn't how you thought letting karkat be in charge would go. For one, you really thought you were just letting him. Vriska always demanded to be the dominant one regardless of blood status but with Karkat being a lowblood you thought that would make you the clear top, right? Plus you're supposed to be the experienced one here! Now you’re getting all flustered over nook stuff? Oh how the tables have turned. 

“Relax” Karkat says in a voice that feels much more confident than his actions would imply but he softens after a moment. “I promise I wont do anything if you don’t want me to.” 

You drum your fingers against his arm as you think.

“Ok.” You say.

“Ok? Like don't do it ok or ok like do it ok?”

“Like do it ok.”

“Ok.” He returns his fingers to your nook and pushes inside. At first, all you feel is an uncomfortable pressure. You almost tell him to stop but eventually your muscles relax and expand and you allow him to move. You weren't expecting any pleasure to come of this but you were mistaken. As he fingers you, you find yourself getting more and more turned on by the idea that there is something inside you. You let out another quiet moan and he seems pleased with himself for successfully pleasuring you. 

After a while of you bucking your hips down against him and him scissoring his fingers, playing with your opening he finally lines himself up with you.

“Ready?” he asks. 

You nod and he pushes himself in, making a face of caution. You inhale sharply and wrap your arms around him. It feels much bigger than it looked. He hastily promises not to do anything until you give him the ok so you do as gently as you can muster. 

“Just f-fuckin movve already!”

He does so, much slower than he was moving with his fingers, then he pulls out just as slowly. After what feels like an eternity he finally goes back in at a more natural pace and you moan louder than you have all night. It would be embarrassing if you cared right now, but you don't. All you care about is how good this feels. Your back arches up as your hips move in tandem with his. 

“Is- is this good?” He pants.

“Ah!~ Yeah! Real good!” You reply. Your head is not really in any space to be dishing out compliments, and being your first time it's not like you have much to compare it to anyway. But, you weren't lying, it does feel good. Without much thought, perhaps on instinct, you reach down and start to stroke your own bulge. /That/ gives you a good feeling you are familiar with and makes you moan again. 

Karkat surprisingly has enough of a mind to replace your hand on your bulge, stroking it himself. Now you are in heaven, you don't have to do a damn thing. You just lay back and enjoy the pleasant sensations rocketing up your body. Pleasure flows in waves tensing your muscles, then relaxing them again. A good while of this and you’d be done for.

But then he slows down and stops stroking you. You whine in protest, trying desperately to buck up into his hand but now you are conflicted, because hes still fucking you and you want that too. Which way do you even go? There's too much happening for you. He seems to think this is funny, so he returns his hand to your bulge for a few moments to send you over only to take it back again. 

“Kar!” You pant. “Ngh~ knock it off!” 

But he doesn't, he continues to go painfully slow, pumping your bulge for a few minutes only to let go, leaving you edged and miserable. Gog, you are so miserable! You’ve never been so miserable in your entire life! And then he moves again and you are back to being blissfully unaware of anything bad this world has to offer. So good. So good. You're losing it.

Then he slows down for a different reason. He seems to be getting tired. Before he can stop to catch his breath, you flip him over so you are on top of him. He gives you a few fervent kisses in thanks before he moans at you moving your body down as far as it will go against his bulge. You've never seen him look this cute. Breathing hard and hot against you.

It's more difficult than you thought it would be, rocking on his bulge like this. You find your body stumbling to find the right position and the right pace. You must’ve been doing a terrible job because he places his hands on your hips and helps guide you into a better motion, thrusting up into you as you come back down. The way he moves is slower and more controlled than your erratic attempts at pleasure and it seems to work a lot better for the both of you. 

You're focusing as best you can on just making sure he's having a good time that you almost forget your own head space but then he grabs your bulge again squeezing hard in the way he could never know you like and you're gone. You arch your back, fins standing up on end, you’re close, you're so close. 

And then karkat mumbles something unintelligible. His face is twisted into something you can't really tell if it's pain or pleasure. You hope you are not hurting him. He pulls you down and you try to kiss him but he's talking into your mouth instead of your ears which is a little ridiculous. Though with how close you are now you can just barely make out the words.

“I’m-ngh! Fuck!~ I’m gonna-”

With your hands on his body you can feel his muscles tense and twist underneath your fingers as he cums inside you. You can feel the heat of it rush inside your nook. It’s not an entirely pleasant feeling but the look of pure extacy on karkats face is enough to push you over the edge yourself and you cum just as hard as he did. 

You collapse into each other, panting and breathless. You can't help but pepper him with kisses as you drift back to awareness. A silent thank you for doing this for you. 

He runs his fingers through your hair softly and you feel like you might melt away. 

“So... uh…” he starts. You don’t want him to finish what he’s saying. You just want to fall asleep in his arms. Let the world wash away from your mind till there's nothing but you and him and whatever just happened between you. “...Are we a thing now?”

You take a second to process the question before asking quietly, ‘Wwhat kind a thing….?” 

“I dunno…” he mumbles. “We could be anything….”

You sigh and let your mind go as numb as it can.

“Evverythin” you whisper. “I wwanna be evverythin…”


End file.
